Last year, Brian Roberts had a wonderful roid-infested season for the Baltimore Orioles. Never mind the fact that he only started hitting after Sammy Sosa and Rafael Palmeiro joined the team. I'm sure he's clean, I mean hey, he's white and he's (s)crappy! I'm sure Brady Anderson (1996 Version) would be very proud.

Cleveland Indians DH Travis Hafner was on the ESPN radio' Mike & Mike this morning. Before interviewing the Vin Diesel lookalike, one of the Mikes mentioned that he came out of nowhere to be an AL MVP candidate last year. Never mind that he was only the BEST FUCKING HITTER IN BASEBALL THAT WASNT ON ROIDS (or Denver, Colorado) the year before. Then, in 2005, Hafner had the second best OPS in the American League, behind only Gayrod. Usually I make fun of "underrated" players, but this guy seriously deserves some credit.

Brady Anderson would be proud of Roberts' 2005 performance

Who the fuck is Chris Shelton? Oh yeah, he's some crappy fatass who can hit Royals pitching. Move along, nothing to see here. Maybe one day people will mistake him for Todd Helton and buy his baseball cards by accident.

I think the Mariners are going to be good this year. Yeah, I know, Ichiro and Richie "I'm too" Sexson are their only good players, but I really think the rest of the lineup has a decent chance to be average.

The Brewers are really good. Ben Sheets and Doug Davis are two of the best pitchers in baseball. Chris Crapuano, Tomokazu Ohka and David "W" Bush are all very good. Every day will be a tough matchup for opposing teams. JJ Hardy will be the first gay All-Star since Mike Piazza. Geoff "Swing Harder" Jenkins is looking like the same player who hit .332/.401/.623 after the all-star break last season, and is my darkhorse MVP candidate. Carlos Lee, while overrated, is still a legit 30 HR/100 RBI guy. The rest of the lineup, including Prince Fielder, Rickie Weeks, Corey Koskie, Damian Miller, and Brady Clark, are all above average at their respective positions. Future Hall of Famer Corey "Guy in Shades" Hart and super-utility man Bill Hall lead what may be the deepest bench in the majors.

Anyone remember that movie The Fan? Man I hate John Kruk. I'm glad DeNiro killed him. It would have been better if he would have killed Kruk AND Barry Roids, but really, how can I complain?

To round out this post, here are my picks for the MLB ALL (S)CRAPPY TEAM:

C Jason Kendall

1B Jeff Conine

2B Craig Counsell

SS David Eckstein

3B Chone Figgins

LF Scott Podsednik

CF Brady Clark

RF Lew Ford

P Jamie Moyer

These guys know how to hustle. They play the game the way its meant to be played. They're the grittiest, scrappiest, hardest-working battlers this side of Derek Jeter. And they are all crappy white guys. No offense to token black guy Chone Figgins, you're a true gamer as well. INTANGIBLES.