Every once in awhile, I turn to eBay to buy or sell something. Every once in awhile, I'm reminded why I can't stand eBay.

The concept is fine., and the site itself is fine - I have no problem with these. Sure, the fees are annoying for sellers, but in many cases your options are to deal with them, or keep the item. The problem I have, and I know that millions of others would agree, is stupid users. A few days ago, I listed a 4x5 Graflex Graflok back. Handy item for large format shooters, but I just don't have a use for it. Its not a particularly expensive item, so I just took some photos with my cell phone. I even went as far as strapping a photo enlarger lens to my phone, which actually helps quite a bit for overall image quality. The results are obviously not the greatest, but by eBay standards, they're more than fine.

Apparently, somebody disagrees. The next morning, I find this in my inbox:

Dear rhubarbicus,

The first picture is of such poor quality that I cant see the flaws or
scratches this back may have. Totally useless. Can you post an
image that wasn't made with a cell phone?

- tios_corner

Where the hell did that come from? If he would have just sent the first sentence, I would have been quick to help him. But the rest of the message is just plain rude. Because of that, I'm starting to think that this guy probably isn't worth the hassle of selling to. Whatever, I'll tell him what's up, and see how he responds before I outright block him. My response:

Dear tios_corner,

I did take some better photos, but as I do not
own a digital camera, I had to process the film
and it was not yet dry enough to be scanned at
the time of the posting. I will have them up as
soon as I can, unless someone else buys the item
first.

Sorry for being totally useless.

- rhubarbicus

Seems reasonable enough to me. And 100% true. For whatever reason, he didn't believe me:

Dear rhubarbicus,

I dont know whether you're being serious or just being sarcastic. If you can post sharp
pictures of expired film than I'm confidant you have the means to do the same here.
Let me know once you're ready with a serious photo that's clear and representative of
the item. If that's not going to happen then I have no time to waste on silliness.

- tios_corner

On a side note, a quick search for his username seems to indicate that he has plenty of time for silliness. Regardless, this eliminated any doubt I had that I want nothing to do with this guy. In hope that maybe he'll learn a lesson from this - to not be rude to people in the future, I let him know that I was indeed serious and that he's definitely not getting the item:

Dear tios_corner,

Yes, I was completely serious. I do not own a digital camera other than my cell phone. The expired film photos were taken with the same cell phone. Other than that, I shoot film exclusively. I took some photos of this item but as I said, I don't have the film scanned yet. I'm not sure why that is difficult for you to believe.

Regardless, I don't even want to sell it to you anymore, because I know it will just be a gigantic hassle. I don't have time to deal with people who worry about how pretty an item is and whine at me if there are 3 scratches and I only said there were 2. I've been through it. You are the reason I and so many others hate ebay. You've been blocked from bidding on my items. Good day.

- rhubarbicus

and boom goes the dynamite:

Dear rhubarbicus,

No YOU are the reason ebay is a hateful experience for people who have been
here for years and years. I have 3 accounts with feedback totaling in the
hundreds. But look at YOU, Mr. 55'er. You come in as a new little shit, you
claim an item is this way or that way then you publish SHIT photos to match
your personality and then the buyer is forced to file a not as described claim
against you for your willful arrogance. Learn to read, I already told you I have
no time for stupidity. Do not EVER contact me again, you got that jackass?
NEVER.

- tios_corner

Hot diggity damn. How could I NOT reply to that?

Dear tios_corner,

Seriously, are you 12? Let me give you a tip.
If you want somebody to do you a favor, *don't*
be rude and call them names. People don't like
to help people who are rude. If you would have
been POLITE in your initial request, I would have
been more than happy to help you out. But you
didn't, you decided to be rude for no particular
reason. I have done absolutely nothing wrong,
nothing to incite these hateful comments. There
is one person here who is acting like a child,
calling names and using foul language, and that
is you.

Grow up.

ps I'm pretty sure having multiple accounts is
not allowed.

- rhubarbicus

At this point, part of me was hoping that this would be the end of it. I'll be honest though, I was really hoping to hear back again, purely for comic value. And oh boy, did he deliver. Not only did he deliver, he played internet detective and found my personal website and email address! Here's his latest email:

Okay Colin Baker - no problem, I reported you for a policy violation and just heard back from ebay about it. This will be recorded on your account. What you and your friends think of me personally is of no consequence. You're weak for even sending something like that. What matters is when someone tells you not to contact them again you might want to consider whether it's worth risking your year older account to defend your fragile ego. I've had another knuckle head bounced off ebay for similar nonsense so you wouldn't be the first. Follow policy before you get thrown off ebay. Nice blog btw, boring but nice.

Well, hopefully my blog is a little less boring now. I was a bit interested to see that he took the time to report me for a "policy violation" - as far as I can tell, the only policy I have violated is posting photos not up to tios_corner's requirements. Oh wait, that's not a policy. I was curious, so I asked:

Dearest Tio's Corner (if that is your real name),

Wow, now you're stalking me too? Incredible. So exactly which "policy violation" did you report me for? As far as I can tell, the only thing I've done wrong is post photos that are not up to Tio's Corner's standards. I don't think that's against the rules.

Oh, and for somebody who "doesn't have time for stupidity" you sure do have a lot of time for trolling ebay and harassing other users in much the same way:

http://thecommodities.blogspot.com/2009/07/question-ii-regarding-polaroi...
http://thecommodities.blogspot.com/2009/09/up-to-speed.html

Awesome. I'll bet my blog will be less boring once I start posting about you too!

I'm still waiting for my account to be suspended, btw. Haven't heard anything yet, but I sure am nervous!

Your pal,

Colin M. Baker XVII
Master of Totally Useless Ebay Photos

Welp. I think I zinged him pretty good here. And I'm still waiting to be kicked off of eBay!

Actually, now that I think about it, I should start using eBay more often. Because he's right - this blog is boring, and I could use a few idiots to write about.